I had some down time today to deal with my bird passing and I'm really glad -- helped me get more centered. There's no worse feeling than having an animal die in your arms, to actually watch life leave its body and witness the "death spasm." I felt so helpless and worried the whole time, was he in pain, should I be rushing to a vet to put him to sleep or would that make it worse, how can I make him comfortable, is he going to die now or will his suffering linger, etc. It's an awful limbo to be in.
I kept trying to chortle and make the noises he always loved but I could barely croak them out between my tears plus I was trying not to cry on him and make him wet, adding to whatever misery he was already feeling.
My parakeet may only be a bird but he was my first keet. I got him a decade ago when my life was changing, when I was moving to Maryland from NJ and life sucked. He was a beautiful bright spot amidst a sea of uncertainty and change.
This morning was hell. I didn't get to sleep until dawn and then got up at 8am to feed the dog and kitten. I let the dog out so I could dismantle the birdcage in peace without worrying the kitten was being eaten while my back was turned (I can only deal with one pet death a week, thankyou) but because I was distracted, I didn't realize the dog rolled in feces (AGAIN!) and needed an immediate bath.
Then later I was running an errand and came across a magazine where someone talked about their pet dying, saying they realized then that, "grief is the price you pay for love."
So true. Because we all love what is mortal, we risk losing what we love. Such a painful part of the human condition.
Some pix of my keet when he was healthy: