"And those annoying exploding pustules that shoot green mucus across the room-yuck! Jerry was in the kitchen with me when those sores decided to go off, and one landed right in my salad! I had to throw it out! I'm still a little peeved at him, even after he drowned himself in a mop bucket to stop the pain."
People With That Brain-Eating Virus Should Really Just Take A Sick Day (from The Onion)