Wednesday, September 3, 2008

-- ugly and odd clothing

I love Spiegel. They have the most awesome clothes.

That being said, I now have to pick apart some of their more unusual offerings, being the fashion police I showed myself to be this past weekend when I (meanly) posted this picture of a woman wearing what appeared to be a trash can cozy at a wedding (scroll down for bad --sorry-- cell phone pic).

Clothes (like it or not) play some kind of role in the message we present to the world, and nothing says "I want to be shaped like a barrel" than a dress made to cover all traces of femininity.

So because I am feeling extremely judgemental, I bring you the following from the Spiegel catalog:

The perfect outfit to get divorced and take everything in. Nothing says "I'm burning his shirts on the front lawn" like a hot pink silk top tightly wrapped at the jugular with accessory power chastity belt cinching the waste. You can look, but you can no longer touch, because the locks have been changed.

The perfect outfit to sell ______* in. (*insert multi-level marketing scam, like Herbalife, A&L Williams, NuSkin, or Mary Kay. Oh, Mary Kay. I have a special bitterness for thee...)

Searching for that perfect Tanya Harding look? This sweater is the perfect knit to break your competing ice skater's knee with. Sizes 2-18.

Wtf are "caffeine-infused" tights and why do we need medicated pantyhose?

Nothing says "abacus" quite like this. Wonderful if you're a numbers kindof gal.

An honest-to-goodness owl eye! Who'da thought you could mount it. Since it's been petrified, it can also double as a self-defense device.

Be "in" whether you're going out on the town or in for a haircut!

After you win your class-action lawsuit, you can wear this at the celebratory cocktail party.

You can still be fashionable, even if you're the judge.

Looking for just the right pants to hide your leg elephantiasis*? Look no further.

*elephantiasis:

Nothing says "I want to f*ck the boss" more than this little number.


Want to buy sheets or just look like them?

When did it become fashionable to pin a handkerchief to your shirt?

__________
Want more? See the ugliest clothes on the planet.

5 comments:

TONY a.k.a. i sWEAT bUTTER said...

that chick with the elephantitis pants... yea, she looks like her legs are 170 feet long. and what the hell is that patten pleather shoulder frock thing? eeew.

Kelly O said...

HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Hoo....

More of these, please.

Kimmers said...

LOL - this was a great post! People at work now think I'm strange because I kept giggling at the captions.

hautepocket said...

"Perfect Tanya Harding look." Love it. Hilarious post!

hebba said...

Yeah, I get the Newport News catalog, which I think is the same company as Spiegel. I bring it over to my best friend's house and we roll on the floor laughing.

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