Wednesday, February 25, 2009

-- the elephant seal is a sight to behold.

The knives in my throat have ceded to the elephant seal transformation taking place on my face. My current nose is too small to transport the rising river of mucus within and so my face, my friends, is turning into THIS.It's very attractive. I feel totally hot sitting here slackjawed blowing my nose loudly like a bellowing elephant seal in heat.

And what do elephant seals in heat sound like?

A great undulating belch.

I learned this while reading a story about elephant seals and how Lady Clairol helped students bleach the fur for identification purposes:
"We used to have contests at night to see who could most realistically imitate the normal and special mating calls of sea lions and elephant seals. The best way to perform the mating roar of a bull elephant seal was to drink 3-6 cans of beer real fast (any carbonated beverage would do though) and then urp up all the C02 in one long belch, modulated by the larynx. Dorm Seven sounded really strange at night during the elephant seal mating season."

Look, people change at night. They become all kinds of things: werewolves, vampires, zombies, alcoholics... (same difference). I just prefer the elephant seal.

4 comments:

talkingtostones said...

I hadn't been able to ID anything appealing about elephant seals before, but after seeing this photo: any woman's stretch marks would seem minor in comparison to those on the elephant seal ... except the octuplet mother. Score one for elephant seals!

I hope you're feeling better by tomorrow. No fun to teach a class through an elephant seal trunk of mucus! :>

Shera said...

Feel better! That's an order!

geekhiker said...

There's a beach in Central California, near Hearst Castle, where you can watch them haul themselves out on the beach. The sight and sound is something to behold as well.

Hope you feel better soon!

Linda said...

OH sweetie! feel better soon! This is a great post. Very vivid. You must feel terrible.

love and hugs,
Linda

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