-- 8 yr old girl divorces 47 yr old husband

In WTF news Wednesday last week, I wrote about how awful it was that an 8 year old girl was forced to marry a 47 year old man. Well! Now they're divorced. Yay!

In other news: packing, preparing, juggling much (including conferences at work both last week and this week, and the rest of the kitchen/downstairs remodel). Will write more soon. Saturday is blast-off day -- Arizona or bust!

-- 12 year old wish list

I think I might just die of embarrassment. I'm packing right now (we're leaving in a week!) and I was clearing out my closet when I found a stack of old diaries. I'm debating whether to burn them all or just mortify myself by publishing them online. heh.

Here's a wish list I made at age 12:

Wish List:
1. Garfield books, not yellow or green though
2. No more laryngitis
3. Money to buy everyone else stuff
4. Friday
5. To understand me
6. The power not to be dependent on other people giving me happiness -- to be able to find it in myself.
7. To stop going to sleep in school and at 12:30.
8. Doing all my homework.
9. King with no more fleas and me no more flea bites.
10. A healthy back an digestive system and hemmohoids (sic) or varicose veins or any of that stuff old people get.

Dec. 3
Another boring day. My mom drove me to school today. I got a 95%!! on my French test. I like Sam. I have to tell him he has nice eyes. His eyebrows sort of knit over his forehead. I found out Mark shaves. I don't like the zlubby girls who sit around, smoke and complain with a lot of curse words how they hate life. Homework is pg. 63-68 exercise 34S.

Me and Roseanne walked the halls when we got kicked out of the library. That lady hates me and I hate her. We tell people we are stepsisters.

I am so tired that when I sleep I DREAM about being tired and going to sleep.

I think if anyone takes my journal I will die. My next journal I am going to disguise it and write MATH on it and then not put my name, only homeroom. Do sharks like to act in movies? Only if they get big juicy parts!

Dec. 11
I went to sleep at 2:00 am last night. Me and my mom got into this big fight and then renewed it this morning because my clock didn't go off. Here are some ways I have to mend my personality:

1. Never talk back
2. Find out about a tutor
3. Do all my homework, study and bring up grades
4. Never ask twice
5. Do laundry
6. Always keep room spotless
7. Never miss bus again
8. Mope on my own time

Jan. 3
Michele has a chest cold, my mom has a sore throat, my sister isn't eating well and my dad has a cold and Linda has this thing with her knee. I paid my dues with strept throat. I aint gonna get sick no more.

Jan 14.
Me and Sam are both sick. I don't have time to be sick! Last night my stomach was hurting something terrible and I said to it "LOOK. I don't have time for this. Now cut it out." It did too. Wow!

Saturday night I slept over Michele's. We babysat for 3.5 hours and got $15 dollars!!!!! (no, not each.) Then Michele made a middle finger out of silly putty. I am STARVING.

(date unknown)
I disgust myself. I am so erratic the way I write.

Good lord, I'd better burn these!

-- free mattress! (you get what you pay for)

From my dear friend S. who was scouring the internet for me, hoping to find some gems that would help in my upcoming move. And look what she found! From Craigslist:

FULL SIZE MATTRESS/BOX SPRING INCLUDED (HIGHTSTOWN)

---

full size mattress with broken box spring (can be fixed) clean and stain free. no urine stains and no feces stains. had a problem with bed bugs, but i think i killed them all. that's the chance you will just have to take with antthing that is free. i once took a mattress from someone and had crabs from it, it also had lice. oh well, that's life. i took a chance with it and got a very serious case of crabs and head lice.

• Location: HIGHTSTOWN
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1135292745

AWESOME. Let me go call now.

-- WTF News Wednesday

So in between packing up my entire life and every unfinished project I've started in the past decade (I WILL get them done in Arizona, dammit!), semi-relocating, minor house reconstruction, and laying out an ill-defined yet redundant report (because I need more on my "to do" list), I decided to take a complete break from all obligations and horf down dinner without one hand also on the keyboard. Tonight I allowed myself a favorite guilty pleasure: reading during dinner.

I hulked over plate and paper and devoured both. The fourth time I burst out with commentary, I thought good god, I have got to share these!
And so for you, dear reader, I have WTF News Wednesday.

1. Food fail: A Harvard engineer has invented a special inhaler ("Le Whif") smelling of chocolate that allows you to save calories on your indulgence by simply spritzing your mouth with cocoa scent. $2 for 4 puffs.

Are they kidding? This would just make me need to eat a block of the real stuff the size of my skull. Fake chocolate does NOT cut it. Trust me. I've tried Viactive chocolate calcium chews, "chocolate" mints, Dove singles, miniature candies, you name it. The body understands when it's being gyped of the full 400 calories. Tease it with lesser offerings and it will exact revenge with a craving so powerful and intense it will turn into an out-of-body experience. You will rise from your chair mid-afternoon, driven by an unseen, uncontrollable force and seek the unmatched soul mate of the lonely 2 calories you just inhaled. Invention FAIL.

2. Huge library fine: Someone found an old dictionary that their uncle had borrowed from the Lyn Public Library in Ontario in 1899 but never brought back. So the nephew returned it. The late fees came to $9,000+ but were waved. The library had a good sense of humor about it.

My thoughts: you mean you actually had a record of this thing still in the system?? Database WIN.

3. And in the "Um, I believe you have more pressing concerns" dept: An Illinois man is outraged that his murderer wife's mug shot was taken without her Islamic head scarf. She is charged with beating her 2-year old niece to death. "Police," he said, "are going to be in big trouble for violating her modesty."

Didn't she give up her rights when she took someone else's right to live? Sympathy elicitation FAIL.

4. Fir tree grows in lung: Artyom Sidorkin of Russia went into surgery for what doctors thought was a large malignant lung tumor. Instead they found and removed (gory photo warning)a 2-inch fir tree growing in his lung. The surgeon thinks Sidorkin inhaled a seed.

A FIR tree?? Comprehension FAIL.

5. Passenger lands plane: A passenger in Florida landed a twin-engine plane after the pilot passed out and died. How did they know? I guess the plane was flying erratically? Or do twin-engine planes not have a separate cabin for pilots? Thank-God-It-Didn't-Happen-To-Me WIN.

6. President's temper tantrum: In a very mature move, the president of Bolivia, Evo Morales, went on a 5-day tantrum hunger strike until legislature approved the changes he wanted in election law. Lawmakers opposed the law, saying it would give him too much power so he stamped his feet until they relented "spent 5 days sleeping on a mattress in the floor of the presidential palace chewing coca leaves to dampen hunger pangs." Leadership Skills FAIL.

7. Then the "Oops, my bad, I meant to mention that" dept: German pop star Nadja Benaissa was arrested for having unprotected sex with three men without telling them she was HIV positive. One of them reportedly contracted HIV. (Careful with whom you cavort!) Hot chick oops! FAIL.

8. Bird flu hysteria: A strain of bird flu is infecting kids under 3 yrs old in Cairo, Egypt and experts think that adults are possibly acting as carriers without getting sick, meaning the virus is mutating. World-Will-Not-End Reassurance FAIL.

9. Pedophile marries 8 yr old girl: A 47 yr old man in Saudi Arabia has married an 8-yr old girl, despite protests from the UN and human rights groups. Saudi court, in their infinite wisdom, said this is ok as long as the marriage is not consummated until the girl hits puberty.

There are so many things wrong with this story I don't even know where to begin. Why is a man marrying a child? How is this even allowed? What are the events leading up to this? Is this a record-breaker or are 8 year olds regularly marrying in parts of the world? What did the pedophile hubby say to the court -- that he choose her for her magnificent housekeeping abilities? And if the pact is not honored (I can't believe it will be) who will know? Who will protect her? I feel very very sorry for that little 8 year old girl. Human Rights FAIL. **UPDATE 4/30/09: She's been allowed a divorce. Yay!!

10. When "Cozy" really means "tiny": Someone's made a 65-square-foot home called the XS house, only $37,000. Really? Even a unabomber shack would have to be larger. I mean, where would you store all your ammo? Reality FAIL.

11. Bathroom emergency on flight: This last one is my personal favorite for its visual effect:

"A plane passenger suffering a bathroom emergency was jailed after he insisted on using the restroom in business class. Jaoa Correa, 43, of Ohio was on a Delta Air Lines flight when his intestines went into revolt. He found the aisle blocked by a beverage cart, so he raced toward the bathroom in business class. A flight attendant tried to block him, and in desperation, he pushed past her. Correa was later arrested. "I'm devastated," he said, explaining that when you gotta go, you gotta go."

WTF did they think was happening? Would the stewardess have preferred he squat and explode all over her shoes? When you gotta go, you gotta go WIN! (See more stories of bathroom emergencies gone awry at the Irritable Colon Twitter feed. Warning: extremely descriptive stories there; NOT pretty to imagine...)

And that, my folks, is WTF News Wednesday. Now back to moving/cleaning/report-writing/rearranging life!

ps. When looking for an image to accompany this post, I typed "WTF" into Google's image search and got this, a true WTF embodiment!

-- random photos from the past week

Some pictures from this past week:

Undaunted, the cat stares down my weapon.

But its paltry size tires her and she waves it away carelessly.

Shedding season is here. Actual size of dog hair, on my skirt. I had to stretch my thumb and forefinger to span either end. (Click to enlarge.)

Deception in the cafeteria fridge... be careful, it's everywhere!

My coworker put up this cute little birdy picture outside her cube. It was missing a face; a deficit that cannot be allowed.

And the African violets my mom gave me are blooming because for once (FOR ONCE!) I actually remembered to water them for 2 weeks in a row.

-- update: we're kindof moving, but kindof not

Alrighty! Well I have a lot to say but am not in the mood to write. So I'll just list what's going on:

• We're leaving for Arizona in less than two weeks to set up residence there for four months. Dan got a job working at Lowell Observatory's Discovery Channel Telescope. It's a 2-year position requiring this time up front, monthly commutes the rest of the year and more time on site next summer. We'll essentially have two residences.
  
  
• After weeding through 8 billion Craigslist responses, we found someone to rent our house in the interim.
  
  
• I started looking for apartments in Flagstaff, AZ until I realized I cannot sign the papers for a place without seeing it first. Maybe it sounds great on paper but it's festering with roaches or reeking of cat piss? I dunno. Don't blame me if I'm a bit jaded. So as of now we don't know where we'll be living. Luckily they're putting us up for a few weeks so we can figure this out when we get to town.
  
  
• It's a 2,200 mile drive to Arizona, need to plan cross-country trip. Note to self: USE the newly-discovered hotel Bed Bug Registry.
  
  
• Figuring out: should we take the dog? A generous friend kindly offered to see about watching him but Tycho took extra-large SPAZ pills the day we arrived for a test visit. After body-slamming their back door and shrieking like a disemboweled possum for the entire duration of a very trying meal, we both agreed that "maybe this wasn't a great idea."
  
  
• The cat was dropped off with Dan's family two nights ago and hasn't stopped hissing since.
  
  
• (re-reading this: why are all of our animals such a pain in the ass?)
  
  
• I finally entered the technology phase with a modern phone AND a new cell carrier. I had buyer's regret almost immediately until I realized I could actually carry on a conversation for more than 3.7 minutes straight on my commute home; an unheard-of record.
  
  
• Got back from my last visit to NJ today. Saw loved ones but as usual, did not have enough time to see all.
  
  
• Scrambling to see friends, pack, clean, setup auto bill-pay, email billing, mail forwarding, finish kitchen construction, etc. Must be done this week! My throat is closing just thinking of it all.
  

Jetting to work on some packing. Flagstaff is the last major town on the way north to the Grand Canyon. Come visit! :)

-- the prunes that weren't meant to be

Actual conversation, tonight:

Dan: omg, you're throwing those out??! Why??

Me: these prunes are THREE YEARS OLD. They're expired.

Dan: But! They're prunes. They never go bad!

Me: I am not eating three year old prunes.

Dan: But the container's never been opened!

Me: If we have not WANTED to eat them for the past 3 years. what makes you think we are going to want to eat them in the next 3 weeks?*

Dan:

Me: hmph. I thought so. (happy strut to trash can)

And so it was for the prunes that were never meant to be.

*in 3 weeks we are moving temporarily to Arizona; currently getting house ready for tenant, more on that later!

-- regional slang (purse vs. pocketbook followup)

Update on the last post's linguistics dabbling (re: regional slang).

So if you say:

• purse vs. pocketbook:
  pocketbook is a NY or northeastern term, purse more standard south and west.
  
• sub vs. hoagie:
  Hoagie is a Philadelphia area term, sub is used more frequently in the northeast. I was surprised to learn "hero" is a NY term; it sounds so wrong. Half my family is from NY and I've never heard them use this. Interesting.
  
• water ice vs. slurpee:
  What a strange term -- "water-ice"! It's from the Philadelphia region. Slurpee is from the Northeast coast.
  
• bucket vs. pail:
  From Dictionary.com: "Though both bucket and pail are used throughout the entire U.S., pail has its greatest use in the Northern U.S., and bucket is more commonly used elsewhere, esp. in the Midland and Southern U.S."
• soda vs. pop:
  Soda is more northeastern, pop is used more towards the west. Check out the soda vs. pop map (thanks, Geekhiker!).
  

Researching this, I came across a forum where users giggled that New Yorkers tend to say "I'm going to go stand on line" rather then the more technically correct "in line." And I thought, huh, I always say the former. I guess those are my NJ roots. (Well my mom's from NY and brought my sis & I up with some of the local dialect. Oh, and I used to say "my pens are in the top draw" until my friends [Linda this means you!] taught me how to pronounce the "r." heh. I was too young to spell when I learned it.) I wonder if I would have corrected myself once I saw what the word looked like? I have a hard time pronouncing difficult words unless I can see them in writing. I could never learn a language by ear alone.

Anything else you say or have noticed regionally? Do you have an accent? I love accents, they're so inherently charming, no matter where they from. I could listen to them all day. This stuff is so fascinating.

image from Language Arts dude

-- "R" sounding like "L" (and do you say "purse" or "pocketbook"?)

Well, I'm still glued to blip.fm. And here's something I noticed when listening to "Ringa Ringa Ringa" from the Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack:

When I first heard this, I thought they were saying "Rlinga Rlinga Rlinga" -- it wasn't until I glanced at the name on the CD that I realized otherwise.

Listen to the audio clip and let me know what you think. It does sound like "rlinga rlinga rlinga" does it not?

Then I wondered, could this be evidence of the R in an intermediary state as it moves from Europe towards Asia, where R's often sound like L's?
Language is fascinating to me. I took a linguistics class once and the professor said you could tell where someone was from in the U.S. based on what words they used, like (among others):

• purse vs. pocketbook
• sub vs. hoagie
• water ice vs. slurpee
• bucket vs. pail
• soda vs. pop

Which do you prefer? Next post I'll try to list what this says about where you're from.

-- music in other languages

Well, I'm still quite taken with Blip.fm. I love how I'm just hearing all this cool music in other languages that I'd otherwise never know about. Here are a few that recently stood out:

Spanish:
Gracias a la vida, from Violeta Parra


English:
Fields of Gold: remake of Sting's song by Eva Cassidy:


French (this one is blues-ey):
Bill Deraime – Plus la peine de frimer


Portugese (Brazilian musicians):
Cássia Eller e Nando Reis – Relicário


French:
Zazie – La PLuie Et Le Beau Temps


Indian:
Garry Schyman – Praan

-- sadly, this is not an April Fool's joke

So I'm still apartment hunting for a temporary move to Flagstaff, AZ. I got this in my inbox today and I started wondering what was up with the price. I mean, it was obviously conditional on something, just what? I scoured the email for the footnote but couldn't find one. At least not right away. THEN I noticed the fine print:

First person who can read this gets a prize (your pick of one enlarged spleen or two smaller but fully functioning spleens!).

Srsly, wut?

-- roadtrip photos, and tell me your story

Sunday I was driving back from NJ -- the sky was so interesting I took these photos from the car.

Billowy clouds at the University of Delaware in Middletown, NJ

Forbidding skies ahead in Maryland as we
crossed over the Delaware Memorial Bridge.

The clouds darken.

You can see a band of rain up ahead but the road was dry as a bone. My buddy Kev later tweeted from Virginia that ice balls fell on his car right about the same time we were driving home marveling at the interesting clouds heading across the state:
We just missed it! What was the worst weather you ever drove in?