Wednesday, January 27, 2010

you've got to be kidding me.

My entire day was spent in a reverse pac-man grid where I was chased not by ghosts but by giant fat molecules begging to be eaten.

At lunchtime I ducked the sweets and approached the cashier with a healthy salad. As I fumbled for cash, she shifted a basket of cookies under my nose and murmured seductively, "You won! Pick something."

Me: "I don't really want anything."

Her: "But they're FREEEEEEeeeeeeeee" -- her breath lingering on the word FREE, activating the opportunistic starving student part of my brain.

Her charms worked; I blacked out and came to moments later holding a package of cookies.

What have I done??

I realized with horror what had happened and held the evil package away from my body with the tippy part of my thumb and forefinger and accosted the first person I ran into down the hall. "Sam!! Cookies! I got these for free. Here!"

Yes! He was in but he only wanted one. sigh

What to do with the other cookie? No one was around so I folded the package nicely and left it on a coworker's calendar with a note. Then I swiveled back to my desk to enjoy my salad.

After lunch I got up for water and was accosted by more temptation.

A small but growing army of serotonin-deprived office staff (is there any other kind?) darted past like a pack of wild boars shrieking excitedly,"Cuupppcakes!!!", gathering additional throngs of the starving as they sprinted toward the high-carb prizes waiting in the conference room. I steeled myself and slunk back into my chair to chew on ice.

The rest of the day passed with cupcakes, cookies, sweets, and sugary evils flowing through the air like wind but I resisted each and every one.

Dinner out with friends, I resisted dessert.

At the movies, I looked away from the giant snack counter with its 3,000 calorie packs of peanut butter cups and sour patches and ice cream bars.

I avoided all of it.

I made it through the day. I pulled up in the driveway and relaxed in my seat. I thought I made it through with bonus points.

Until I saw the package.

The package of cookies.

A friend apparently started a cookie company and sent me a free sampler package.

Cookies, delivered right to my door.

Not even home is safe!


P said...

there's an advert in the uk where a girl is chased by a giant chocolate muffin. I think it's for Special K. It reminded me of this post!

linda said...

what a great post! did you even order the cookies or did they come free to you like everything else that day!

I totally don't miss the office environment, particularly for the cupcake days and cake days and donut mornings. What a nightmare! No wonder Americans are so fat!

keep writing! This is great!

kevin forgot said...

oooh! i want one!

geekhiker said...

You need to get those cookies out of the house? Okay, my address is... ;)

Rebecca said...

I've recently discovered a book called The Belly Fat Cure, in which sugar is the evilmost thing. The best thing about the book is that it gives a lot of information about what you can have to replace sugar that is not also evil the way NutraSweet, Splenda and the like are. It also alerted me to just how much sugar is hidden in stuff where we wouldn't expect to find it.

So I spent an hour at Whole Foods yesterday getting a sugar substitue made with erythritol, Greek yogurt to which I will try adding low sugar Vanilla soy milk for flavor and various snacks and foods with no sugar. This included 3 bags of Joseph's Sugar Free cookies.

Well, they aren't very good, so I won't be tempted to eat half a bag at a time. But they do satisfy the sweet craving. And the Joseph's Sugar Free syrup is just fine.

I hadn't heard that the sweet cravings go away after 2 weeks, though. I hope that's true, because it really is tough trying to avoid sugar when you are craving it. I am in awe of your willpower. I have none whatsoever.

lacochran said...

Jeez. You are much stronger than me. Free sweets are my downfall. Every. Single. Time.

I'm impressed that you've done as much resisting as you have!

spleeness said...

I *had* no willpower. Until I got sick & stressed for about 5 days straight and couldn't eat. That helped jump-start the process. So, um, catch a virus and spend a few days sweating & shivering while curled in a fetal position clutching a teddybear. That should do it.

Rebecca said...

lol, no thanks, the lightly flavored cardboard diet seems to be working well for me. I'm neither hungry all the time nor craving sweets, because I get to eat some pretty decent long as I fill in with a little lightly flavored cardboard. Hopefully just until I get rid of the extra many pounds I picked up when I quit smoking. If the sweet cravings do go away after 2 weeks, then maybe just for that long. *crossing fingers*

Dani said...

Stay strong! You can make it through.

I must say I couldn't resist clicking on Vaughn's link and now I want cookies...damn. I'm just going to focus on my rice cakes...everyone loves rice cakes right...right?...::crickets::

Soda and Candy said...

That's a sign from God. Embrace your inner cookie monster!

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