aaand, to summarize 2010:

Gif from the awesome FreckledK's blog.

Um, hi.

So holiday visits can be kinda awkward when there's been a big (negative) change in your life. It's the time of year to see people not normally around everyday. On Christmas eve, I visited my Aunt's and some relatives I hadn't seen since last year. I did send out a mass holiday note of cheer saying, "Happy Holidays! Here's my new address and btw, hubby and I split and life sucks. Have a great New Year!"

So I knew they KNEW but still, we hadn't TALKED.

Sample conversation that awkward night:

Them: "zOMG, how ARE you!!"

Me (unsure of what to say): "Um, hi. My marriage ended. Other than that, you know, okay."

Them (sympathetic headcock not unlike the way a great dane considers the option of going out): "Oh wow. I'm so sorry."

Me (awkardly shifting): "Oh, pssht. I mean, there are children starving in North Korea."

Them (equally flailing awkwardly): "So what ELSE is new?"

Me (there needs to be something else??) "Well, I'm learning how to draw. And I just found out what 'moobs' are!"

::facepalm::

Actually, I do have a really awesome family, and they love me no matter what, and some of them have even been down dark roads too. Awkwardness is okay in a room full of love, even if it does waste some wine from the spraying and sputtering.

Funny Christmas tweets

DateMeDCBlog Most of our conversation this holiday has centered around feeding the dog ham and his resulting farts. Yeah, we keep it classy.

Miss_MOTHRA So a fat man in red flying a sleigh equals yay. A beautiful giant moth flies by and it's all missiles and gunfire. I see how it is.

kellygo Just mused aloud in front of squabbling kids, "Do you think Santa is just waiting for kids to mess up so he doesn't have as much to carry?"

evilamy Wrapping presents, listening to Rammstein. DU! DU HAST! DU HAST GIFTS!

ihackinjosh Dear kids, There is NO Santa Claus. Those presents are from your parents. "With love, WikiLeaks"

pattonoswalt "My family sucks, I'm drunk, f Jesus and Santa, I'm fat." -- me and all my friends' Christmas Tweets.

NakedNikki I got my born-again mother an FML shirt for Christmas. Telling her it means Father, My Lord.

noblelawyer Nothing says "You're fat & dress funny," like a gift of sketchers shape-ups.

noblelawyer Because nothing says 'stress free' like sharp scissors pointed at my groin.

FakeAPStylebook "Now I Have a Machine Gun: Ho Ho Ho" is not an acceptable headline for the drunken mall Santa rampage story.

darthvader On the 9th day of #Sithmas my Dark Lord gave to me... 9 Admirals choking.

TeleEroticist Barely Legal: "Have you ever gone to the mall to sit in Santa's lap just to tease him?" "No..." "You should." Christmas is ruined.

Happy holidays!!

--> See the rest of my funny twitter update ARCHIVE here.

Anyone want to pay $208 to read a book? (Book included.)

I saw this description of a class in my local college's noncredit course guide and nearly fell over:

. . .

New Novel Reading for Fun and Facts: The Castle in the Attic

Enhance your reading skills, build comprehension skills, and increase your vocabulary as you read the novel, The Castle in the Attic. Learn about the main character, William, who can't wait to play with it, he is certain there's something magical about the castle! Join us as we explore the mystery of the castle. Books will be provided.

. . .

$208 dollars??? To read a book??? You've GOT to be kidding me.