I'm maybe a bit preoccupied with this.

Recent chat conversation:

me: Sitting here googling "spider prevention" because I'm a freak.  

them:  One cannot prevent spiders. One can only make peace with them. 

me: I just moved into a basement. Before realizing the highest concentration of spiders in a house is where? THE BASEMENT. So I  bought 6 supersonic ultra spider-chaser plugs that will spider proof my room FOREVER. If I never see another spider again, it'll be too soon.

them: they eat stink bugs. 

me: I don't care. 

them: Spiders are cool. Hence, Spider-man. 

me:  But he's nice inside. Spiders are not nice inside. 

them:  They totally are! They are full of silk and hugs! And you are JUDGING THEM! 

me: But I've SEEN their actions, the whole lot of them! Wreaking havoc on family and friends and ohhh the mahem at that sleepaway camp in the woods! 9 near death incidents. 

them: Maybe they are trying to shake hands. 

me: YOU can shake their hands. *I* will remain unfriendly.

them: Fine, but if I have to get you into an exclusive club and there's a spider bouncer at the door and he's all "I hear she hates spiders," I'm gonna have to be all "She's cool, man," and he's gonna be all "Yeah? So some of her best friends are spiders?" And I'm gonna be "Oh sure, she works with one," and then he's gonna say "Yeah, you know what? Spiders can't get work because of people like you lady!" and then he's gonna scowl, and probably eat an insect, and we're going to be standing out there in the cold of January, freezing in nice club clothes because you are a spider-hating byatch!

them: And what about Charlotte? 

me: Totally different thing. Charlotte was almost not even a real spider. She's a HOUSE spider. Spindly legs, slow and big heavy thorax that weighs down the web. That's actually kinda cute. They keep wolf spiders away. Like dolphins to sharks.Wolf spiders have 88 eyes and a freaking FACE and are mean and speed across the floor at 100mph! 

them: WOOK AT HIS WITTLE FACE! YOU JUST WANNA PINCH HIS CHEEKS!
 

me: I almost ejected my innards! You cannot just spring that on me!  

them: It's adorubus spidercus hugibus. That's the latin name. 

me: Apparently, one of THESE hasn't traumatized you yet. I will be here welcoming you to my camp when it does.


them: I've sadly not seen any spiders. I'm not out in the wilderness here, which is a shame. Because I would befriend a camel spider and name him Chewbacca. 

me: Look, it says here: "Camel spiders can move at speeds over 30 MPH, screaming while they run." http://www.camelspiders.net

them:  It's them saying "HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUGSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSS!" in spiderese. 

me: Aaahhh!! Scroll down to see this female soldier handling one and OMG spidergollum!

Click on photo & scroll down to see her story about her, um, "pet."

So, yeah, that's a typical conversation with me, if you bring up 8-legged creatures of doom. I'm maybe a bit preoccupied....