Philanthropy Friday (in the Making a Difference Department)

A fellow alumnus at my school created a website where people can ask for and grant wishes: Wish Upon a Hero. The site was launched last October and already 83,000 wishes have been granted. Wishes are diverse, from stickers to diapers to clothing to money and food. One person requested a donation for -- and was granted! -- LASIK eye surgery; there's such a huge variation of wishes to be granted. I think the popularity of this site is because you can help people directly and choose/know exactly how they're benefiting.

Funny Twitter updates

 I haven't posted one of these in a while. Latest addition to my funny Twitter updates archive (feel free to contribute any below for consideration to be added):

@joeveix Buying the complete DVD box set of "Hoarders" is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

@gxrobillard I'm not at all impressed by Ketamine. You can achieve the same effect spending six straight hours on Facebook.

@bubblebathos ugh is anyone else having trouble loading my ex-boyfriend's Gmail?

@SamGrittner I'm just looking for a nice girl to settle out of court with.

@pattonoswalt Just got off the elliptical -- 28 min., 2.26 miles, 338 calories, still fat.

@willhines The bummer is that if Verizon works I'm going to have to actually talk to people.

@ItsThingsInLife Have you noticed that "studying" is like "student" and "dying" put together?

@daveshumka I'm growing my prostate to raise awareness for moustache cancer.

@missrogue My secret answers to the security questions are so secret I can't even remember them.

@ebertchicago: 20% of Americans will believe that 20% of Americans will believe any damned thing.

@shitmydadsays: "Nervous? In 5 billion years the sun will burn out and nothing you did will matter. Feel better?"

(see more funny Twitter updates in my archive -->)

Awesome Halloween food ideas

Ack! No one would eat my cat litter cake
last year. Think they'd munch on this?

I can't decide whether to do the chest cavity creation or my traditional cat litter cake.

I scoured the net for 10 horribly awesome Halloween food ideas and just posted them on a new blog I started to celebrate the creation of things. Namely bodily adornments (like weird hair and ugly shoes sandwiched in between the occasional picture of my latest necklace), but also unusual food and home decorations too. (I established that blog to have a separate place to have fun with my upcoming craft store on Etsy where I will sell jewelry under the name The Underground Maiden.)

Launching store in two weeks (around Halloween) but couldn't help blogging about Halloween decorations now! Votes on your favorite? (You can vote here or the other blog.) --> See all 10 Halloween food ideas -->  or visit (my Facebook page)

Step 1 of the brazilian keratin treatment (AKA I am a greased alpaca today)

I just spent the last two hours locked into a weird dance with greasy hair and a flat iron.

It started with a coupon. "Get the miracle Brazilian Keratin treatment at yaddayadda salon!"

I called a friend. "I just saw their before and after pictures and I think I need to get this coupon," I said.

"How much?" She asked.

"$169," I said, "but the regular price is $400."

"Oh don't pay that. That's my stylist's normal price. She's running a special now, go see her."

I hung up the phone armed with a new number and begin scouring the web for terrible stories about the Brazilian keratin treatment hoping to talk myself out of it. But instead I find myself transfixed by this:

Before and After Photos of Brazilian Keratin Treatment

Whoa. Convinced?

Yeah, me too. Only I'm still terribly chicken about doing anything to my hair right now. It doesn't need extra help falling out. Formaldehyde does terrible things, right? I usually try to avoid bursting into flames regularly so in my reluctance, I bought an over-the-counter version that claimed to be formaldehyde free and figured okay, if this works even 20%, fine.

Steps for being me, today:

This is the stuff I used.

Step 1: Spend 2 hours on internet reading everything you can find about brazilian keratin treatment. Feel both excited that SOMETHING can maybe help your hair look awesome and terrified that the process's various formaldehydes will cause you to grow two heads (which of course will be twice as expensive for hair maintenance). Plus that last time you burst into flames wasn't that cool. Stay skeptical.

Step 2: Go to drugstore. Realize you only put 6 minutes into the meter and that won't be enough time to sniff, read and analyze every hair product they carry. Return to car. Pay for spot next to it by accident. Contemplate driving away rather than fixing mistake. Return to drugstore in disgust and rebellion, taunting parking ticket fate. Turn hate outward and abhor entire city.

Before picture demonstrating root of
 gullibility for hair products which
 promise awesome life.

Step 3: Come home with brazilian keratin treatment that sounds natural. Cocoa butter! Avocado oil! Yay to avoiding the formaldehyde! Congratulate self on superior hair-product-shopping skills.

Step 4:  Read directions 3 times. Get cold feet. Why do you need gloves to apply avocado oil? "DO NOT GET ON SKIN" touts loud warning. "USE IN WELL-VENTILATED AREA." Frown. Consider abandoning mission.

Step 5: Think about cute Halloween wig and resign to backup plan. Plus, it can't get much worse then the last experiment, right?

Step 6: Read label carefully. "Apply product to hair that is 80% dry. DO NOT OVERSATURATE."

Step 7: Oversaturate.

Step 8: Let product soak into hair for half an hour. Down two glasses of chocolate milk. Plan to buy heavy-duty trash bags to transport clothes instead of using thin kitchen bags. Decide moving preparations are complete for the day.

Step 9: Blow dry hair. Immediately understand the "DO NOT OVERSATURATE" warning. Use wide-toothed comb to pull gloppy, greasy strands straight.

After two hours of flat-ironing:
 the greasy alpaca look!

Step 10:  Turn on flat iron and wait for it to reach maximum heat setting. Sing-scream Bad Romance, only this time being sure roommate isn't home like that last time. Get to second refrain before realizing neighbor can see and hear everything through open bathroom window. Curse ventilation. Berate self for constantly participating in mortifying activities. Google "lack of impulse control."

Step 11: Start ironing hair. Become alarmed at smoky steam of residue burn off. Secretly hope this is what "sealing" keratin into the cuticle looks like because if not, that wig might actually get more use than expected.

Step 12: Finish. Realize with horror "THIS HAS TO STAY SLATHERED ON HEAD FOR TWO DAYS??" Cancel all social plans where looking presentable is desireable. (In other words, everything.) (Except moving. The movers won't care if you look like a greased alpaca.) Become angry that you gave away your only non-snowstorm hat because you thought you looked terrible in hats. Feel too embarrassed to go to store for another. Start packing.

Step 13: haha, just kidding about packing. Write blog post and take a nap!